Tigercon 2009: How (not) to be a jerk at Artist Alley

Tigercon 2009 just passed on Saturday the 26th, and I found myself in Artist Alley once again. Spending fourteen hours behind a little table trying to peddle my goods is pretty much the best way to spend a Saturday – trust me.

Before I start, I want to first say that there were a lot of talented artists in Tigercon’s Artist Alley this year! I saw some beautiful prints, adorable jewelry, awesome prop weaponry, and even some bead sprites!

Let’s get started: Have you ever shopped in Artist Alley at a convention before? You have? Well, guess what? You’re doing it wrong! All horribly wrong! So to help you out, I’ve put together this guide that will help you achieve a rank on the “gold list” for Best Artist Alley Shoppers Ever. Yes, it exists. No, you can’t see it. But I can show you the steps you need to follow. This guide has been compiled from various expert techniques demonstrated at Tigercon 2009. We should all learn from their greatness:

1. Show up with as little money as possible. Don’t have a job? Even better! Just be yourself! It might do you good to show up with nothing and beg for change from the other visitors, but this is a more advanced practice. Start with at least a little.
2. Because you have little or no money, beg for discounts. Five dollars for a necklace is FAR too much. You could get, like, a whole PIN from Hot Topic for that much! Make sure you tell the artists that they’re pricing things too high. They appreciate your feedback.
3. Point out flaws in the products. Can’t tell what it is? You better make that artist wish they never brought it to the convention. Make them cry. It’s better that way.
4. Tell us your life story. Stand in front of the booth, and make sure no one that is trying to spend money can walk up. Once you’ve got the booth claimed as yours, start talking. Chatter on about anything you can think of from your childhood to your favorite yuri fantasies.
5. Commission the artist to do really obscure pieces. Anything that you can think of that is off of the beaten path. Perhaps you’d like to see an Extra from the 42nd episode of Inu Yasha playing on a WonderSwan. The more obscure, the better. And don’t bring reference pictures. It’s a great challenge for the artist.
6. Be sure to take your time when you want to buy something. It’s usually good to examine something for twenty minutes or so. Make sure the artist knows you’re going to buy it. They must believe it. Then, realize that you have no cash. Walk away without another word. If you apologize, you’ll break their heart. Be as silent and stealthy as possible. Maybe even slip away when they blink.

But in all seriousness, I had a great time and met some really awesome people! To anyone that stopped by at our booth, it was great meeting you and I hope you had a good time! See you all next year!